chronicle

2007-04-08T14:09:00.001-05:00

Christ has died!
Christ has risen!
Christ will come again!

2007-03-26T21:54:00.001-05:00

Time out...

2007-03-21T23:14:00.000-05:00

Here's the current list, I'm sure you've all heard some of these gems and many of you were part of them. Some are short, others are epic. Some are tried and true, others less frequently told. I will happily share upon the asking... (I'm so self involved)

The most embarrassing moment of my life
Save your Urine
People of Peace? I think Not
Tomato Brandon
IRK (A personal favorite that rarely gets told)
Meat in Street
Axe Murder
PammyPukeCar
What they eat in the army...
Hope Floats
Four Story Firecracker
Avian Flu

Promises Promises

2007-03-20T23:29:00.000-05:00

Anyone remember that Promises Promises song? eeeh.

Anyhow, there are several things which I've been meaning to post on:
-thoughts about Target
-Some responses to a recent (3/10) post by Craig
-my thoughts a year after the CCF accident.

So here's a promise that those are forthcoming.

But I need your help please... In my continued pursuit to make friends in DC I decided to firm up a list of my "go to" stories--you know, so I'll always have a story to tell when the moment is right.

I've got a list of thirteen or fourteen but if you have any suggestions of moments you've experienced with me or heard me repeat (probably twenty plus times), let me know so I can add it to the list.

Sweet. Party on my friends.

beautifuly tragic

2007-02-27T21:41:00.000-05:00

Do you know who Rachel Corrie is? Well you've got google, carry on then...

the disciplined life

2007-02-25T01:42:00.000-05:00

I've always held the disciplined life in high esteem--there just seems to be something really valuable about purposefully and intentionally following through with things you've previously decided were important. Unfortunately, I haven't actually known much of the disciplined life. Working at camp definitely required it but the environment was so different from college that whatever discipline I had at camp did not transfer back to Truman. Participating in sports is another example of disciplined areas of my life I've had in the past-two hours of practice every day just settles you into a certain kind of rhythm. And here's what I can say from the little tastes of discipline that I've known--I like them. In that overall, holistic, take a step back sort of way, I really enjoy the rhythm and long-term fulfillment that come from discipline.

In the back of my mind I've always had an idea of what the disciplined life would look like for me. I think we all have some idea of what life if we really had things on track and together would look like. Unfortunately, my idea of the disciplined life involves hours of the day that I just don't want to see and precludes some of my favorite hours of the night. I just put it all into a google calender and discovered that wake up time in my disciplined life would be 6:30 am. That's just something I have trouble committing to in any fashion.

I don't know why I share all this. It's possible that the penitence that goes along with lent seems to have a lot to do with discipline to me right now. I've been practicing some new spiritual disciplines but maybe the Lord is telling me I need some new life disciplines as well. I don't know, I'll let you all know what happens.

Peace friends

Chinese New Year

2007-02-19T11:50:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was Chinese New Year. Now I am certainly not one to be celebrating a lot of Chinese holidays seeing as I am inherently distrustful of their communist-human-rights-violating-take-over-the-world schemes but, they did invent the crab rangoon. What's a little Tienanmen Square in the face of fried cream cheese?

So we, my roommate, Mark Swanson, Wyatt Feeler and I, went to Chinese New Year. We missed the parade but I'm not going to lie, I was really only there for the "five story firecracker" they were promising. So I watched the dragons dance around and heard people on microphones talk about the year of the pig and then came the firecracker.

I was disappointed to say the least.

Retrospectively, I realize my expectation to see a giant firecracker that is five stories tall--basically a five story stick of tnt--wasn't realistic. I think that's called a bomb, and I think that's China's first step to taking over America. But it actually was five stories OF firecrackerS (need some help with your adpositions China). Five stories of black cats strung together. As I said, quite disappointed. Yet, in a true showing of American good will, I was willing to stay and watch five stories of blackcats hanging from a crane be set off. So the dragons started dancing around the firecrackers and they started going off. It was hard to see because there were many people gathered around to see this feat of Chinese technology but I figured that as the firecracking rose, I'd be able to see the ascending tiny explosions as they rose towards the sky.

Wrong.

The five stories of firecrackers were strung up on this crane and lit at the bottom by a man who was dodging the dancing fire dragons. To my dismay, the firecrackers would pop off for a good while, 30 seconds maybe, but I'd never see them above the heads of the people in front of me. And then it became apparent--the fireworks weren't going to go all the way up, they would slowly be lowered as sections of them were set off. I just about cried. So we sat there for a few more minutes, not seeing anything but the occasional head of a dancing dragon popping above the crowd and the billowing smoke of black-cats and then, defeatedly, decided to leave.

The most Chinese thing to happen to me was on our way out. The five stories OF firecrackerS, had drawn quite the crowd in Chinatown but, having discovered the utter boredom of post-adolescent firework explosion watching, we realized we had to move on. The other thousand people did not. So we were caught in this stream of people moving one direction while nearly everyone stood stupefied over the sight. There was a policeman yelling about moving and the fire code, and people still not moving, and Mark singing the interlude of a Grits song in my ear, and being so crammed in that I didn't so much have to walk, I would just tumble into whatever free space happened to open in front of me. Anyways, of all things I did in Chinatown yesterday, that struck me as most like any picture I've ever seen of China.

So I guess I got a good old fashioned Chinese experience without seeing a five story stick of dynamite explode. And I guess that's the thing about communism, you have to take what you can get.

2007-02-15T23:44:00.000-05:00

I'm discovering the beauty of liturgy and thus ramping up for all that is lent. shall be good.

And thank God for presidents day.

2007-02-05T07:33:00.000-05:00

I got one of those cheese graters for your feet. I've never fully exfoliated my foot so I'm excited to join that club.

2007-01-29T00:16:00.000-05:00

so, the weekend didn't work out like I planned. such is life.

2007-01-24T22:56:00.000-05:00

It's eleven o'clock and I find myself asking, why? Wwhy did I just decide it was a good idea to eat a sausage? What a bizzare and unhealthy choice.

Regardless. Life is good. Since coming back to DC after Christmas I've gotten involved in a lot of "activities." It's kind of like taking the Truman State mentality of over-involvement and doing it in real life. It might not be that sustainable because I'm not sleeping and I have homework but it is helping me feel like my life in DC is more full and balanced and making me a better roommate.

That said, my plans for the weekend are to just lay around a lot. Last Sunday I sat in a coffee house all day and watched the first snow of the winter come in and read the entire paper plus a magazine cover to cover and put my photos on the internet and it was just really lovely and restorative to rest like that--I guess a major benefit of being out of school is that even though I think I work a lot more now, there isn't the constant sense of always having something due--it's easier to rest and sabbath. So anyways, all that to say that I plan on sitting in a coffee houe both days this weekend and doing more of the same and plan to post something meaty and good during that time.

Hope all is well with you friends. Peace be with you.

2007-01-15T15:24:00.000-05:00

Craig is here. So is Mark. We saw animals and a big library and a hippie Rabbi mandolin player protesting genocide. So far Craig has been embaressed by:
a. me guh-ing in the Jefferson memorial
i. and then throwing his hat across it
b. when the tour guide at the Library of Congress invited us to come closer to see something and I was too enthusiastic and he said, "okay, not too close"
c. "Hoger's f-ing fife"
d. making him show off the tour talent to my roommate
e. Hoger talking so loud in the bookstore
f. Mark jeering like the shark feeding was a football game gone wrong

now we must go down to the market. goodbye friends.

2007-01-09T01:34:00.000-05:00

It's been a couple of years (okay, finals in May 2005 if you're counting) since I literally counted every hour until I had a project due to see if I could humanly get it done. Right now I'm really leaning towards not. It also hasn't been since college that I've felt the need to post such a lame entry about being busy (wait, I didn't have a blog in college). Perhaps this coincides with the fact that just last night I registered for my first class since college--Microeconomics, then I had a small panic about how I don't study and how I'm going to balance that and life, but I think it'll be okay.

reality update: life is good, I've found some peace with certain things with the Lord lately, seeing everyone when I was in KS/MO was fantastic of course, Craigers is coming on Thursday, and Save Darfur has not one but two protests this week. All in all good stuff. I really do have interesting fodder for blogging ruminating in my head but it's not coming out until said project is over and said visitor leaves.

ok, love you my friends--don't let the world change you, let God change you.

2006-12-22T00:03:00.000-05:00

I'm on the phone with Craig right now who is booking plane tickets to DC (yeah!) and he has definitley spent the most time trying to select what suffix he should make on his name. we went with the standard phd although O.P.C.D. was tempting!

by the way, tickets are cheap friends!!

2006-12-21T00:14:00.000-05:00

ok, go here and tell me which of those classes you would take (and the one in Spanish is not an option people) I have a clear favorite but I don't think it will work out time-wise. also, how awesome is it that this place is literally 5 blocks from my house? brilliant.

peace my friends. peace.

2006-12-13T00:37:00.000-05:00

my blog crush is totally back. in other news, i now have a permenant, full time job. it feels good.

2006-12-06T23:40:00.000-05:00

I could so easily become a workaholic. Which I don't think any of us saw coming in college. I think I proved my capacity to do so those last three weeks of every semester but I certainly proved my desire not to the other 85% of the time.

It's not interesting, I guaruntee it.

I laugh less now that I live here. DC's not that into laughing. On the plus side I did make an office VIP laugh the other day and made my roommate laugh until she couldn't breathe today.

And that, sadly, is all I have my friends.

lessons on love

2006-11-28T00:17:00.000-05:00

Yesterday sitting behind me on the bus was a family--mom and dad and two young daughters. The father and one of the daughters shared the seat immediately behind me and, as I often do on the bus, I started listening in to their conversation as it became more animated and pronounced. Turns out that the girl had lost something the father had given her, a doll I believe, and was crying because of it. She talked about how sad she was that it was gone and how much it had cost (which really wasn't much, but to a little girl, you know...) and as she cried her father reassured her that he would buy her a new one. While she cried on at length about how she missed the doll, the father just kept saying it was okay, he'd get her a new one. As she began to be convinced of this, the father did his best to engage her in a different subject of conversation so she would stop crying over the doll.

I teared up listening to that conversation. It was such a beautiful image of love to me--the way the father didn't care about how his daughter lost the doll or what it would cost to replace it. His sole concern was ending the sadness in his daughters voice and his promise to replace the doll rolled off his tounge with no hesitation, no condemnation, no nagging reminder to be more careful the next time. Just love, just a desire for her to not be so pained anymore.

I can't say I understand love like that, can't say that I view my relationship with the Lord like this, I even question whether I should and I guess that's a fundamental problem. But in these small anecdotes, brick by brick the wall between me and love comes down...

The other day a friend shared a theory she has about me with me. She said that she thinks I do a lot of good things secretly. Like I volunteer but don't really tell anyone about it. And I've been faithful to some relationships that I haven't been that vocal about. The truth of the matter is, she'd just caught me on the one day out of a hundred I was volunteering and I think she's a little misinformed about the things I've been doing for other people. I tried to convince her of that, to explain the coincidences that are leading her to think more of me than she should but she couldn't be convinced. She was sure of my righteousness when I was only sure that I was destitute. And while I still know that she's quite confused over the circumstances we discussed, that's just the point--she thinks the better of me, she gives me more than the benefit of the doubt, she's so convinced of some good thing (Christ) existing in me that she won't just see things for what they are. Even now I know shouldn't wouldn't believe me that I'm not Mother Teresa helping everyone I see. Having someone love me like that, with such conviction of my value when I lack it, is so redemptive. It heals so much pain in my life, it's so needed.

And another. I got a card the other day from a friend. I opened it and a check fell out. For the next few minutes I just sat there staring at the check in my hands. See I didn't have a lot of money last year. I don't think very many people know how very little money I had--it was okay, the Lord provided and I knew there would always be people I could turn to if I had to but it was scary in a way you have to experience to understand. So anyway, money's just a sensitive subject when you have that little. So to be given, freely given, so much is something I can't comprehend at all. I don't understand how someone could love me so much that, even though we haven't spoken in weeks, even though I've done nothing stunning, brilliant or entertaining for her, have done nothing to earn her love, she loves me in this way. See it's not so much that I needed money but just knowing that her love for me cost her something and she knew that and chose it anyway. To be supported in that way, that's beautiful, that breaks down my conceptions about boundaries and heals a lot of pain that's been spoken into my life in other ways. I need to be loved like this if I'm ever going to be free.

So after a month of not very good updates, I don't know why this is what I have to give you rather than seven anecdotes about DC and turkeys but this is what I have tonight. Hope you have a good one.

2006-11-21T01:07:00.000-05:00

sorry about the lack of posts lately, I don't really feel guilty for not writing because I just plain haven't had time but I do want and need you people in my life and have heard from a couple sources recently that the blog has been a good way of keeping you updated and I value that about it. I'll update after Thanksgiving. I'm going to NYC for the first time and spending lots of time with all things Schlanger. brilliant! would you pray for me? just that I hear what the Lord is saying to me and am able to give and recieve freely from community in the next few days? thanks.

Makes me miss home...

2006-11-14T17:28:00.000-05:00

"What if instead of seeing salvation's story as one of creation-fall-redemption, we saw it as creation-incarnation-re-creation?" -Tim Keel, in this Christian Century article

I would love to post a longer update but I can't right now. Soon though. You can comment and let me know what you want me to write about (the elections? the sloth bear I saw today? mcflurries? mcribs? so many options.)

It's election day!!

2006-11-07T19:06:00.000-05:00

I'll be watching tv all night long... quite exciting

2006-11-03T23:33:00.000-05:00

When my Grandma calls at 11 pm, I worry something might be wrong and therefore answer. No, nothing is desperately wrong, she just wants to know how to upload picture from her camera phone to her computer... how bizzare is that?

What was I thinking?

2006-11-01T23:46:00.000-05:00

I used my foot to open the bottom drawer of the refridgerator today... while my roommate with a lot of opinions, especially about food/cooking, was standing right there. I so hope she didn't notice. What the hell was I doing?

since I am at the heart of the beast...

2006-10-30T23:47:00.000-05:00

Something interesting that I've learned about politics since I moved to DC is that part of the whole mobilizing people to vote for you/your cause relies more heavily than I would have guessed upon figuring out who won't be voting. So for instance there is much being made this year that Republicans will suffer vote losses not because the Christian right has switched it's views leftward but because things such as the former faith based initiatives chair saying the Bush administration was just using Christians will cause them to simply not vote at all.

I haven't mentally drawn out what I think this says about our democracy in America but my inclination is it's not good, I'm just having trouble codifying it

And since we're on the topic of voting, allow me to pass on some non-partisan voting links on important issues:
Darfurscores.org - Ratings on how Congressional representatives and states are voting on Darfur issues.
League of Conservation Voters - Bipartisan group on the environment
Project Vote Smart - A clearing house for information about candidates

And I am resisting my urge to publish personal feelings about a certain senatorial race in Missouri but should my friends that are voting in that state have the desire to engage me in a conversation about that, I would be happy to express them.

2006-10-27T18:08:00.000-05:00

people, people. no, I don't read cosmo. no.

The first and last time I'll ever reference Cosmo...

2006-10-26T17:46:00.000-05:00

Looks like Cosmo magazine has outed the real reason why I do what I do:

"The Best Places To Meet a Guy."
Hot Spot: A political Rally or Campaign
The Draw: The hottest political organization these days is the Save Darfur Coalition, which is dedicated to ending the genocide in Darfur, the western region of Sudan in Africa. Stars like George Clooney are getting involved in the movement, and the number of members (read: smart, passionate guys) is rapidly increasing. If you feel fired up for the cause too, check out upcoming rallies, vigils, roundtables, and concerts. Or join a political campaign. With elections approaching (the season runs from September 2 to November 7) and a slew of celebs (Angelina Jolie, Ben Affleck) speaking out about issues, politics are gaining steam. The best part: Many senatorial and gubernatorial campaigns are male-dominated. The atmosphere is intense (you're all working hard toward a goal: the candidate winning), and there's a set point (the election), which lends itself to a live-for-the-moment attitude that's conducive to love connections.

Wow.

there's so many sarcastic comments to be made, I didn't know where to start.

growing up is hard to do...

2006-10-19T22:35:00.000-05:00

My life is so different than what it was last year. For example, I just set my alarm clock and was excited that I get to sleep in until 7:45 which is 15 minutes later than usual. And why do I get to sleep in? Because tomorrow is casual Friday, which means I get to wear jeans and heels instead of dress pants and heels. wow.

My new office life is helping me to appreciate my favorite movie, Office Space, and tv show, The Office, even more. There are so many bizarre idiosyncrasies about working in an office. Today, my boss had consultants come in to clean out and rearrange his office. Yes, the grown man can't do that on his own so he brought people in to do it. Previously I had been wondering if he was married or not but this pretty much confirmed to me that he was definitely not. So for three hours these two women, who took themselves far too seriously pulled flamingo puppets and toothbrushes out of his office. For the most part I sat in my cubicle and cracked up. However several times I was beckoned over to help with the madness, doing things like moving his desk so that his back wouldn't be to the door so that, in the words of one of the ladies, Eric wouldn't "get stabbed in the back." Seriously? Did I mention she had a british accent? It could have been an HGTV show. While I was helping I of course inquired further about their jobs and found out that they were in fact just volunteers. Too which I say, how the crap did this come about? All I can think of is that Eric met them in a bar or something and thought this was a good second date. Anyways, I had to draw the line when she came over and asked me mail a water filter to some random dude. I mean come on people, I'm not an intern, I'm a temp, there's a difference. Anyhow, typing all of this only makes me realize how lame my life is because it was by far the most entertaining thing that happened to me today... I LOVE OFFICE? I LOVE LAMP.

2006-10-18T21:44:00.000-05:00

remember how I led off this blog with the fear that it might lead straight to my marriage...

it hasn't, but I totally have a crush on a guy whose blog I read. how nerdy is that?

2006-10-15T21:06:00.000-05:00

Jesus does not like it when people hurt each other

evangelicalsfordarfur.org

I think, the day this is finally over, I will feel sad, exhausted relief. I will just put my head down and mourn the four hundred thousand needless deaths. I'm not sure victory will even taste sweet because it's so heartbreakingly too late for too many. For now, there's a mentality of keep doing, doing, doing until this is solved, but then, I think I'll feel the total gravity of it.

are you human? Darfur is your responsibility too.

true?

2006-10-11T23:33:00.000-05:00

"As western culture moved into what is now referred to as postmodernism, Chris struggled with a deep desire to preach the whole story of God. Much like the Hebrews at the time of the New Testament, emerging generations today connect with story rather than isolated facts. Too often, preaching is reduced to articulating truth statements somehow hidden in a complex, powerful, and redemptive story. Jesus taught through parables and metaphors; modern Christians have attempted to translate His teaching into a system of irrefutable fact statements and something seems to be getting lost in the translation." -the voice

true? your thoughts.

2006-10-10T17:08:00.000-05:00

Something I've thought a lot (more than I should) about lately is how Londoners might feel about Fergie refferring to their city as Londy Lond. I just wonder.... What I'm really waitng for is the day George Bush starts to refer to it as Londy Lond.

Did you know...

2006-10-07T10:59:00.000-05:00

It may soon no longer be possible to be in limbo?

Which leaves me with some important questions about skating parties.

Including nine sentences beginning with I

2006-10-05T00:17:00.000-05:00

Let me start by informing you that I just found a baguette in my bed. Score! (it's beyond inexplicable).

I have to say I am still uncomfortable with this forum--I go back and forth between thinking I should share my "theories of life" with you (like the theology of ignorance) or just post random funny crap. I'll try to live in the tension.

I just started Lost, Season 2. I'm a little behind but still, brilliant. Props to red box for making this possible.

Beginning around mid-week next week, I'll be unemployed again. The positives will be sleeping in again, finishing aforementioned tv season, and baking. The negative is watching my bank account dwindle. eh, details.

I heard Tim Keel is in the process of writing a book. I couldn't be more excited about that. If anyone knows anything more about that, feel free to share.

I was listening to a sermon today and the pastor (Rick McKinley) was talking about how the only way you could possibly go to a church that didn't have any relational tension would be if you just downloaded sermons to your mp3 player and listened to them and hummed some praise songs. I just laughed because that is in fact how I've been doing church recently.

I got a new toothbrush for I think the first time since college started.... oh how time flies.

Tomorrow for breakfast I will have a smoothie and baguette!

2006-09-26T20:49:00.000-05:00

Lauryn Hill's Unplugged album changed the way I view the Lord, the way I engage life's struggles, my humility... ultimately it has had a huge impact on my faith and who I've become. i love the way art can change you like that, i love that the Lord works in that.

thoughts and queries

2006-09-25T12:47:00.000-05:00

I had a sandwich (or something) with goat cheese on it sometime in the past few weeks. Maybe even while I was back in KVille/KC last. I can't remember where it was, or what kind of sandwich it was or anything but I remember that goat cheese being so strong and good... If anyone can help me recall where I might have eaten this delicatessen, your help would be much appreciated.

Is it awkward to tell someone that you had a dream about them?

Although I scored a sweet job in pursuit of social justice last week (just temporary folks), I have considered ditching the dream of justice in favor of the pursuit of comedy. Like maybe I'll start taking classes at Second City or something. The hole in that plan is that this is not, in fact, the second city therefore no classes to be taken.

I snicker to myself every time I hear the word info.

I'd really like a dog but...

2006-09-20T10:10:00.000-05:00

There are ants in my room. Not a ton of them, and they're just the little black kind, so I'm not really worried about it. In fact I thought about it and they might be the most innocuous of bugs. Since I am so unconcerned about this I thought I'd start thinking of them as pets. They'd be a good starter pet, they feed themselves and all. Then I started thinking about what it would say about me psychologically if I routinely killed my pets. So the ants aren't pets.

five unrelated points

2006-09-18T11:58:00.000-05:00

I'm going to be in K-Vegas for one night only, September the 28th. I love that the Lord keeps making it easy for me to get back there. So, hope to see some people while I'm there--Fundamental Elements are playing at the Dukum that night. Plan on it.

Exactly six months ago today was the ccf van crash... I still think about it all the time. Am I the only one?

So, one of my roommates got engaged yesterday. What do you do for your roommate who just got engaged who you've spent literally forty five minutes with in life? It's cool though, her fiance is a great guy and I love love.

Wish I had an interesting story to end this with but I decidedly don't. You could pray I get a job, there'd probably be interesting stories coming out of that...

God is good,
peace my friends.

The kind of blog post you never really want to read...

2006-09-17T07:44:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I played two full length soccer games. Some kind of stroke of geniue struck me in the two hours between games and I decided to eat a bagel and a McFlurry. Oh McDonalds, when will you ever get the McFlurry right? Anyway, it led to me not feeling very well, and I just woke up from sleeping from twelve hours. Brilliant!

Also, there is this girl on our team whose name is Sky Beaer (pronounce bear). That's right, Sky Bear. For some reason that makes me think of gummi-bears or care-bears, I don't know but it's just not right.

And today I'll be attending a baseball game. Brilliant!

edit: I also forgot to mention that there is a trend in DC which disturbs me. It's called unisex haircutting. Almost every salon/barbershop here has the word unisex in it. I'm sorry, is that a good idea? I don't want my hair cut at the unisex barber. All I imagine is they have four cut outs of how they think hair should look, for both men and women, and they make you hold it up to your head and they kind of cut around it. Okay, maybe that's not overly reasonable but neither is applying the word unisex to haircuts.

Having Said All That...

2006-09-13T20:58:00.000-05:00

how about an update on what's actually happenning in Sudan?

It is rainy season in Darfur, which means that the killing has slowed down some. But the rains stop in two weeks. Currently the African Union has a small contingent of peacekeepers in Darfur but their orders to be there run out on September 30th and the Sudanese president is refusing to allow them to stay beyond that. Therefore, a crisis is coming soon in Darfur where there will be no international monitoring whatsoever and the conditions will be right for killing. A woman who'd recently visited Darfur spoke to the rally on Saturday and said that the Janjaweed (the genocide perpatrators) she saw would come up and tell her that they intend to kill as many people as possible until the United Nations makes them stop. Have no doubt that evil is at work there and if action doesn't come soon hundreds of thousands will die (current number hiding from the Janjaweed militia in refugee camps: 2.5 million).

The good news is that a few weeks ago the UN security council passed a resolution stating their intention to send peacekeeping troops into Darfur. This is a MAJOR victory, two years in the making. However, the resolution is contingent upon the president of Sudan's agreement to allowing the troops. Since he is a major supporter of the genocide he quickly said an outright "no" to the world. Thus the rest of the world has their hands tied for the moment. We could either use an international force to enter an area in which we are not welcome, something everyone is quite hesitant to do (which I understand, but we're talking about genocide here people, what better justification do we need?). More plausibly, we should put so much pressure on the president that he relents and allows the troops to come in. We do have leverage here, especially America because, whatever the state of our international blunders, we're still America and have a lot of economic and political power. So the current best course of action is encouraging President Bush to put all the pressure he possibly can on the Sudanese president via economic sanctions and threats. It will be key for the European Union to join us in this well.

You can check how your representatives have been voting on Darfur at darfurscores.org, which also has information about how to contact them. As always you can check with the Save Darfur Coalition to find out what the newest call to action is. For news on what's happening in Darfur, the Genocide Intervention Network has perodic updates and Google News will aggregate the very latest in a quick search for you. If you ever need help putting it all in context, feel free to contact me.

and, if you're tired of the serious blogging, I'll try and post something a little lighter next time.

depraved indifference

2006-09-10T21:43:00.000-05:00

Have you ever felt yourself changing? Just known that what you are seeing is changing you. It happens to me sometime in life, like on Saturday. I went to a protest marking the second anniversary of the date that President Bush declared what's happening in Darfur, Sudan, a genocide. Protesting is by far one of my favorite things about living in DC. I like going and watching people get riled up. Even if I'm not participating, it's entertaining to see how passionate people get.

While not a large protest by Washington standards, what I saw on Saturday was the most passionate demonstration I've seen so far. And understand that my opinion is quite biased because I feel so personally invested, because this subject has an emotional hold on me like others don't. The rally began with a "spoken word artist" (read: poet/rapper). His words were on how the common human experience should preclude hate; that the constructs of race or religion don't require divisiveness, rather can be a commonality. I started tearing up while he was speaking because I just can't understand. I can't understand a world where this happens. I don't understand how one becomes a perpetrator of genocide. Yet, at the same time, I feel the filthiness of my soul. I am standing there chanting, yelling, causing a general ruckus in the name of love, in the name of love for those far away that I don't know, because I believe that God endows them with the same beauty and dignity as me and loves them just the same but I know I'm totally incapable of that kind of love. I know I am devoid of the capacity to love beyond myself. I kept thinking of this quote:

"It is not love in the abstract that counts. Men have loved a cause as they have loved a woman. They have loved the brotherhood, the workers, the poor, the oppressed - but they have not loved [humanity]; they have not loved the least of these. They have not loved "personally." It is hard to love. It is the hardest thing in the world, naturally speaking. Have you ever read Tolstoy's Resurrection? He tells of political prisoners in a long prison train, enduring chains and persecution for the love of their brothers, ignoring those same brothers on the long trek to Siberia. It is never the brothers right next to us, but the brothers in the abstract that are easy to love." -Dorothy Day

I know I am one of those people. I know I would gladly put myself in chains to save the dying ones across the ocean but I consistently say no to feeding the poor in front of me. I don't engage this world with love; I can hardly look someone in the eye as I pass him or her on the street. I hate that about myself, my inability to follow Christ in that way. Because I know the Lord, and I know that the crazies are just the kind of people he seeks out.

Some of this dissonance stems from adjusting to the neighborhood I just moved into. About ten years ago a subway stop was put in and since then the area has transformed from a poor, violent, ghetto to a gentrified neighborhood. There are giant luxury condo's being built everywhere and Target and Best Buy are putting in their only stores in DC proper. You can't get more "suburbs" than Target. It's just not the character of the place that this used to be. Now, while the neighborhood retains much of the diversity and ethnic mix of it's older days, it is more and more a sanctum to the white, young, professional, liberals (you know, not to stereotype but they eat granola for breakfast, and drive volvos or hybrids). And who am I criticize? White, young, professional (hopefully soon at least), and liberal are all labels applicable to me. But I don't want to be a neighborhood ruiner, driving people out of this place because they can't afford housing here anymore. I want to just be a part of the neighborhood, not just passing through but here to embrace the people and the culture of this little area. And I see in other young liberals living here that it is enough to them to eat organic food and work to improve the environment. But I know Christ's call is far beyond that. I know relationships are where the Gospel begins; I know that relationships are the meat of life. And yet, I find myself incapable of entering into loving, meaningful relationship with the people here. I am afraid of the day when I believe that political protest and giving money to my church absolves me of the responsibility to truly live like Christ.

And I am cognizant of all of this as I am standing behind the White House protesting, and it breaks my heart. I stood and watched as thirty people purposefully entered into civil disobedience and were arrested for their protest of the atrocities in Darfur and, crying and broken, I knew I would gladly pay that price for the people of Darfur. But the tears and brokenness were as much attached to the hypocrite I know I am, my inability to love with that passion where I am at, to pay the price for the people around me. I am so convinced that this is Christ's call to us and simultaneously aware in the depths of me of my inability to do so.

Having said all that, I'm not so sure what changed inside me on that day. I am more enflamed than ever about our need to stop genocide now, and I'm more aware of my broken, painful, inability to be like Christ.

And that's where I'm at. I've got thirty more things to say about the situation in Darfur and what you should be doing about it, I could go on about my new theology of taking Christ at his word (novel huh?), but I have nothing more to say about the depravity of my soul. It's so human.

free derek webb

2006-09-07T23:10:00.000-05:00

derek webb is givin away his cd "mockingbird." I really like it, and am telling you all to download it at freederekwebb.com. My current favorite song is New Law, which, as much as I gather, is about how there's something within us, or maybe just our culture, that desires the structure of laws and rules over the messiness of beauty and pain. anyway, check it out.

Notes from the field

2006-09-07T11:47:00.000-05:00

-Yesterday I was doing something interesting, I think it involved traveling or something, and I said to myself, "I should blog about this." This morning I woke up horrified to find that said situation was actually a dream. Why am I searching for bloggable material in the middle of dreams? This doesn't seem rational.

-I sat next to an Air Marshal on the plane the other day. The story about how I found out he was an Air Marshal is boring and unimportant but the fact that he was an Air Marshal is freaking awesome because he just carried a gun on a plane. Nobody does that. I wish I would have asked him some questions about the movie snakes on a plane.

-My bathroom here does not have a medicine cabinet. Anyone who has lived with me is probably aware that this is a MAJOR issue for me. You see, in most of my life I am content to belive that germs just don't exsist. I put it uner the "I can't see it therefore it doesn't exsist" theory. Adopting that theory has been the only reasonable option for me considering I spent two years "washing my dishes" by rubbing dirt in them. And, I don't shower. But the theory ceases completely when it comes to the toilet. Specifically when it comes to flushing the toilet. I know, absolutely know, that when the toilet is flushed, tiny poop and urine microbes are ejected from the toilet and land on everything in the bathroom. I simply cannot brush my teeth with fecal matter. I think that's a principle we can all get behind. So it's logical that one should never, NEVER leave their toothbrush out and exposed to the elements. I'll be keeping mine in my room, thank you very much.

trepidation.

2006-09-04T01:30:00.000-05:00

Although recent developments lead me to believe that blogging may lead directly to marriage, I have been convinced to give it a serious attempt. So here it is. God Bless.